


Twisted Paths

by Emanemmy12



Series: How Two Halves Become a Whole [8]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2837327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emanemmy12/pseuds/Emanemmy12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Shaw decides to stop sleeping with other people when Root's away(even though they had the arrangement) and decides to let out her frustration by beating up the bad guys more so than usual. Upon Root's return they get into an argument and Shaw, in the heat of the moment says the words I love you to Root.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twisted Paths

The number of criminals who were hospitalized from injuries was steadily on the rise. The influx had started about a month ago and Sameen Shaw was about to add yet again to that number. The man’s arm gave a satisfying crack and Shaw was filled with satisfaction. It was almost as good as sex. Maybe. That thought made her growl and Shaw gave the man who thought he was sneaking up behind her a back kick to the groin. This was her in her element. Unrestrained and untethered to what usually held her back. She was way too frustrated to really think that much about what damage she was leaving behind. Shaw reached around to throw the man who was leaned over and groaning to the wall. There was a lovely thud and she scanned the room, on high alert. It seemed that her work here was done. She shrugged, leaned over to pick up her purse and walked out, the bar full of men left groaning on the ground. “Later boys,” she intoned, her lips cracking the barest of smiles. It’s not what she really needs, but it is better than nothing.

The “dry spell” as Reese liked to called it was nothing but self imposed. Despite the teasing of her woman (and man) killer coworker, it wasn’t like Shaw could get any. The fact that she just didn’t feel like having sex with other people was an annoyance in itself. Root was away and typically she wouldn’t have minded using another person to scratch that particular itch, but it just felt plain old wrong. Shaw had tried to do it with a man and had been so disappointed she had thrown him off of her and left right in the middle of the proceedings. Sameen hadn’t even bothered trying with woman. Her eyes always placed towards the tall brunettes and god knows that remembering Root while trying to have sex with someone else was a mood killer. The only problem is that she didn’t quite understand why. It made her feel antsy, the whole thing. Shaw only knew that she hoped that Root would return soon and this whole thinking about why she wasn’t interested in other people thing would go away. That would be much simpler. Shaw liked her life to be simple, well, at the very least she liked it to be filled with things that didn’t change her perception of who she was. Spending time thinking about who she was and what that meant was really irrelevant to anything that Shaw wanted to do. So usually she just avoided it. The less she had to think about herself, the better Shaw was at her job. With that settled in her mind, she wandered to a bar. Maybe it was that she just wasn’t looking in the right places. 

When she had been through 4 glasses of whiskey and nursing a 5th, Shaw was ready to at least try to do something about the annoying urges running through her body. Sex had always just been a natural thing that her body stupidly decided that it wanted. It wasn’t that Shaw didn’t like it, but she could have lived her life easily enough without it. So many people put emotions into sex and it was a pain in the ass. It was fun, a biological need to spread ones seed as much as possible that they could control. In her alcohol damped mind, Shaw noted that with Root it was less of a filling a need and more of an actual experience. It didn’t bother her as much to think about this now. Her brain was nice and fuzzy and that made it ok. The actual goal of the night was forgotten as Sameen took it upon herself to think about Root and their relationship. For even if she tried to deny it, that’s what it was. There was something about how one night they could be tender with each other, reverent even, and the next they could be clawing at each other, bringing one another close to their breaking point. A small smile made it onto Shaw’s face as she thought about their nights together. It was the closest that she came to loving an experience. That thought slipped underneath Shaw’s radar and she nodded. She loved Root. That’s when things came to a screeching halt. Sameen collected her thoughts and backed up. The sex was amazing. They got along very well. There was a clear preference to Root when it came to other people. Often times she felt more things around Root. Shaw’s eyes narrowed at that. She didn’t put a lot of weight in feeling things. But there it was again, her heart gave a weird squeeze. “Fuck,” Shaw spat out and she downed the rest of her drink. She paid her tab and pushed off of the bar. This realization hit her enough that the fuzziness in her brain easily faded in the cold. 

Sameen made her way back home. There was no way that after discovery that she could even look at another person without feeling unfaithful. It wasn’t that Shaw was. Root had explicitly said that it was fine. In fact her exact words were “I don’t care about what you do while I’m not here, but just so long as I get you completely while I am.” The words rang in Shaw’s ears and she actually felt her checks run a bit hotter. This was bad. She didn’t do things like love. These were things for the people who needed to be protected did. They made bad decisions because of it and suffered. There was no need for that. Shaw made it to her apartment, her nose red from the cold and her mind full of fog. She actually fumbled as she opened her door. It made her angry. She never fumbled. It wasn’t the person she was. Sameen made a point to be careful, to be better than anyone else. She had always felt like she had to be better at what she did to make up for her lack of feelings and it didn’t seem to matter now. Throwing her coat in a pile onto the floor and pealing off her shoes, Sameen shuffled through the house and shed pieces of clothing until she toppled into bed. She knew that she’d wake up with a splitting headache but it was just so much easier to sink into the pillow and pretend that she hadn’t just made an earth shattering self discovery. 

When the sunlight finally hit Shaw’s eyes, she unwillingly stretched her limbs. A pounding dull thud in her head caused her to wince and Sameen rolled over, trying to avoid the day. It was past when she normally got up, 0700 hours exactly, by quite a bit. But her attempt at avoiding the pain was cut short by the sound of her door opening. For a second Shaw was still, her body ready to defend itself. “I must say, Sam, I was surprised that I was directed here to find you,” came Root’s teasing voice. “Even more so that you are by yourself.” A weight fell on the bed and Shaw relaxed. Though there was a danger of having Root here after she figured out how she felt, Shaw was still relieved that she was here. That meant that Root had succeeded and was not harmed. It seemed that Root thought that she was still asleep because she soon found that a cautious hand was placed on her foot. She could barely feel it under the sheets, but there was a small spot of warmth. Sameen rolled her eyes and just shifted, turning so she could see Root. 

”Root.” She made no move to shake Root’s hand off and the other woman took that as a good sign as she flopped down next to Shaw. The natural grace that Root moved with was oddly absent and Sameen wondered if that was a sign of how comfortable she was here or if it was a mere moment of forgetfulness. Root always seemed to be so cautious with how she appeared and acted. Shaw found the whole concept exhausting. But now she was still under her covers, head screaming at her in pain while Root gazed at her oddly. It made it feel like she was being pitied and Shaw scowled. She hated being pitied. All her life people gave her those looks of astonishment and sorrow just because they couldn’t understand just how her world worked. If Root felt the same way… “What are you doing here?” The words were spoken sharply. Anger at the fact she had these feelings and Root didn’t know or understand made her bitter. 

In return, Shaw got an odd look. “I came to see you?” Root drawled, thinking that the anger came from the headache that she knew Sameen was nursing. She silently thanked the Machine for that tidbit of information. More often than not, her near constant companion was silent when she was with Shaw and Root chalked that up to respect for their Frankenstein’s monster equivalent of a relationship. It was very patchy in places and having something mess with that balance could be very messy. Root was just glad she could make it work. With Shaw, she was safe. There couldn’t possibly be any love and that would be good. Anyone who Root had loved and who loved her had left her in some way. That’s why what they had was good. She liked having the preference, but there was no reason for them to be “lovers”. Root moved her hand to brush a strand of hair from Shaw’s face. She was so beautiful. 

”It wouldn’t have killed you to leave me alone? I’m sure you know that I’m really not in the mood to be having guests.” That was met with Root’s laugh. Shaw scowled again and rolled away, turning her back to Root. “Go away. I’m sick of you.” 

Now that stung a little bit. “I’m sorry, but I thought that the point of this was that you enjoyed my company.” 

”That’s exactly the problem. I can’t focus on my job properly because of you.” Shaw growled. It was a valid concern and Root knew it. If either of them failed then innocent lives would be in danger and they were both against that. 

”What do you mean?” 

”You are distracting. I can’t concentrate.” She shook her head. “This isn’t worth it, Root. You are only going to get us both killed.” 

Root sat up now. This sort of thinking was only accurate if they were actually in love. A small part of her objected to her rationality but it was overlooked. “I am not. I’m not distracted. If you are the one being distracted than it is you who’s going to get us in trouble.” 

Shaw threw the covers up and sat up. “It’s your fault!” Despite herself, her voice raised in tone. This was a ridiculous conversation. To her it was clear who’s fault it was. Without Root’s teasing and her flirting then this would have never happened to Shaw. Her head hurt and her pride was injured by her assumption. She didn’t need Root’s pity. 

Root scoffed. “Honestly, Sameen, whatever is going on in your head, I am certain that there is no reason for it. We are perfectly rational adults.” 

”Fuck you, Root. I don’t need your bullshit right now.” Shaw moved out of bed and stalked to her dresser, opening it and throwing out the outfit that she wanted to wear for the night. “You just come and go as you please, don’t you?”

Root tilted her head and caught a shirt as it was thrown at her head, tossing it to the bed. “Isn’t that what the whole point of this is for?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Admitting that we feel a certain pull to each other and not making it any more than what it is?”

Shaw whipped around and pointed her finger at Root. “Not making it anymore than it is? You with all your innuendo and your teasing and those stupid looks that you give me? We’ve gone on dates and had movie nights and it’s all making me love you and I hate it!” She growled these words out, not realizing exactly what she said. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic of love confessions, but it could have been a lot worse. Sameen was just angry at this situation that she couldn’t control. She didn’t want these emotions to make her weak, to make her make mistakes. That would mean that she would lose Root. 

”What? Did you just..” Root’s words faded out as her mind raced to meet the words that she had heard. “No.” She shook her head. “Shaw, you can’t.” It wasn’t a jab at the other woman’s lack of feelings that made Root say that, but it was her own fear, fear at losing someone who loved her. For the leap in her heart that had happened at those words meant that the same was true for Root. She hadn’t actually realized it. It had felt like another one of her games, an enjoyable and more mutual game, but just that. Somewhere along the line, her feelings had crossed into the playing field. Root stood and took a few steps back to physically avoid the feelings that she was just starting to realize. 

Shaw didn’t realize this. All she heard was Root being the same. Pitying her for her difference in experience. “Of course I can. I honestly thought that you’d be different, Root. I’m so fucking dumb. I can’t believe I ever thought that you could be understanding.” She charged to the woman who was still staring at her like Shaw had grown three heads and shoved her towards the door, clothing forgotten. “Get out, Root.”

”No, no, Sam, that’s not what I mean. I just.” 

”Just what? Thought that because I don’t feel things that you can just play me?” 

Root just shook her head and Shaw stood. It was silent for a few moments as they stared at each other. Both were unwilling to continue. Root was still frozen from her own discovery and Shaw didn’t actually want her to leave. “It’s just not a good idea. Sameen, everyone who loves me dies. So you can’t,” she said, her voice breaking at the end.

”Oh.” Shaw’s anger curbed instantly when she heard that and she crossed her arms. This was awkward. She had assumed. Really she had been waiting for Root to mess up and reveal that she was like everyone else. She had forgotten Root’s past. Sameen scuffed her foot on the floor. She felt like a fool. No wonder they said love was also painful. This was intolerable. “I’m not going to die.”

”Yes, you are. I’m a unique bad code. Like a virus.” Root shook her head.

”Falling back on that again? I thought the Machine cured you of that.”

”It’s only because of her that I don’t.” 

”Bullshit, Root.” Shaw moved closer to Root who didn’t realize what was happening until she hit the wall. Up close she could see Shaw’s eyelashes and her brain noted just how pretty they were. But she still shook her head. Hanna had been her best friend, the one person that she loved, and been taken away. It must have been some reverse karma for what she would become. “Look at me,” Shaw growled and she reached up to force Root to look into her eyes. “There is nothing wrong with you, just like there is nothing wrong with me. We’ve just always been different. But unlike people in your past, I know you.” Shaw made a face and then continued in a half murmur half declaration. “I love you just how you are.” 

Root could feel her eyes watering and she tried to shake her head, but Shaw’s grip was too tight. “I don’t deserve that,” she tried to counter and Shaw just cut her off with a kiss, surging up at the other woman to crash their lips together. If she couldn’t convince Root with words then she would with her body. They spoke more easily with their bodies. There she could be as expressive as anyone. Her hand pushed up Root’s shirt and the other woman bent to her will, body relaxing and Root knew that she was lost. Shaw was an unstoppable force and there was no way she could stand against her once her mind was made up. The way that she ran her hands against her was so reverent and truly loving that by the end, Root was crying in both relief and for reasons she didn’t quite understand. They’d made their way to the bed at some point and Shaw lifted her head, wiping away at her mouth and moved to wrap her arms around Root. 

”You don’t have to be ready yet. But I’ll be here.” It was gruff, but understanding and gentle. Things that Root had never known, never expected. They lay there, bodies pressed together and stayed in silence. No one had ever said this would be easy and with both of their pasts it was more to go through. Shaw sighed. At the very least, her headache was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This one is pretty long, but I don't know exactly how I feel about it... I hope you enjoy anyways.


End file.
